JunkDrawerMind

2010-11-30T18:49:00.000-08:00

Day two of a bad, bad crash. You'd think that by now, Randy would have sense enough not to ask why I don't feel well. I still don't understand it myself, despite years of testing and my own internet reading. I know he thought (hoped?) that I was over whatever this is, since I've had weeks, even months with few crashes. I'd hoped so, too. More than I can ever say. This is scaring the hell out of me. I can't have another bad spell like last year-don't think I could make myself live with it.

Maybe tomorrow will be better-maybe I can NOT spend the afternoons/evenings in bed. Maybe I'll even have the energy to take a shower.

Critter Therapy

2010-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

Too much stress, too much worry, too much emotional invesment this week. Equaled three total crash, in-bed, days. No wonder I'm emotionally worn out, too tired to get worked up, even if my ass were on fire. The only thing that got me today was petting the critters for adoption at Orcheln's Farm Store. The little gray tom who kept nipping my fingers stole my heart-then the beagle puppy, whining when the kids walked away from his pen, totally got me. I guess my heart isn't quite dead, after all.

Menopausal Hell? Or something more??

2010-11-15T04:36:00.001-08:00

I spent much of last summer/fall/winter in bed with a horrible FMS/ME/CFS crash. Been to doctor after doctor who can't diagnose anything "concrete", other than I possibly have some as-yet unidentified tick-borne ilness, or early MS, or a wicked EBV exacerbation. I've fought my way back to relative health, but it's been hell.
Soo...I'm discussing with my sister her menopause symptoms. I realized that many of the "possible menopause symtoms" sound like what I went through, only not as severe. I have absolutely no doubt as to how incredibly ill I felt, but how do I make someone understand that if this is "only" menopause, it must the "Menopause From Hell"!! Menopause doesn't make one feel like she's come down with a really wicked, body-tortured flu, right? Or sap strength to the point where turning over in bed is a nearly-impossible challenge? Or make every joint, muscle, and inch of skin ache? From the perspective of feeling soooo much better, I have to remind myself how horrible I still feel on my increasingly-rare "crash" days. I didn't dream that misery up. Where do we draw the line, between what we can reasonably pin on menopause, and FMS/ME/CFS/tickborne Hell? Do I have to get that sick again to convince myself that I was, indeed, that sick? I'm not questioning that pure menopause is miserable, in so many potential ways, but there's a HUUUGGEE gulf between the worst of menopause and what I went through. Isn't there???

Living the Good Life, Cat Style

2010-11-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

Sweet Max, enjoying the $50 yard-sale porch set I found. He seems to think the table is his own to lounge on at leisure. I want to be reincarnated as a cat.

Let's Play "Stump-the-Neuro-Doc".

2010-11-09T16:49:00.000-08:00

I can't say that yesterday's trip to Lexington, UK, was a total bust. Terry and I made the most of the rare opportunity to catch up, discuss philosophy, religion, small-town mores, and string theory. Poor kid-I'm afraid he was the captive recipient of my Vyvanse-fueled chatter. I'm surprised I have a voice today. He was wonderful about it all-and a great city driver! Thanks, son.

As far as learning anything new about my medical state, it was a wash. Dr. Cambi proclaimed me free of myasthenia gravis, and most likely MS (praise the gods and goddesses!), but could offer nothing for my fibro or CFS. She said she'll write a recommendation that Dr. Johnston refer me to a CFS specialist. Uh, yea. So, what alternate universe are you living in, Doc? There's no such animal-at least, not anywhere in my particular universe.

So, looks like I'll continue to do as Dr. Wilson recommended-eat right, sleep regularly, exercise as able, try to establish some sort of routine and rhythm to my days, and generally take the best possible care of myself that I can. And wait for medical science to catch up to whatever is lurking under my current remission. If luck holds, then maybe understanding, and (dare I say it?), a cure, might be found in time for me to benefit.

I hurt.

2010-06-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

For over thirteen years, I was an RN on 4-1, an "ortho/gastro" floor. "Ortho" meant trauma-broken bones, MVA's, ladder falls, joint replacements. "Gastro" was pancreatitis, usually chronic, Crohn's, etc. I could "see" the ortho pain on x-rays. I could "see" the gastro pain on labs, CT's, ultrasounds. Usually. Too often, it was "pain" in our "frequent flyers". These unfortunate indivduals generally started out with legitimate, very painful medical conditions, such as chronic pancreatitis, and soon moved on to serious drug dependancies. Many of them learned to play the system-eat a pizza, vomit a few times, come to ER, and get "free" vacation with maid service and all the Phenergan, Demerol, or Dilaudid they could survive.

I became cynical. Like most of the other nurses on 4-1, I had to "see" pain, on the x-rays, in the labs, in the vital signs. I got hard-hearted.

Now, I have nonreactive RA, or undiagnosable Lyme, or XMRV ME/CFS/FMS, or some such phantom hell. Karma? Currently in a bad pain/fatigue/feel shitty flare, I realize that I've let my prejudice against "non-diagnosable" pain extend to myself. I've been saying all along that I can stand the aches and pain, but not the horrible, mind-mushing fatigue. Now, I'm starting to realize that the fatigue may largely be a direct product of nonstop, undertreated PAIN!!

I'm not a malingerer, a whiner, a hypochondriac, and certainly not a drug-seeking frequent-flyer. And I'm entiteled to that Tylenol. If I'm ever to get better, I not only am justified in taking something, but I need to MAKE myself accept that I hurt, and I need medication! Dear god, how many times did I tell that to my own patients? The ones I could "see" pain in, anyway. How ironic.....

2010-06-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Day four of doxycycline, in a desperate attemt to kill off spirochets from presumed Lyme. Do I have it? Who knows-testing is a joke, up to 75% false negatives. I certainly have enough of the symptoms, so Cindy prescribed the doxy. I could never get Dr. J. to even agree that Lyme is in the area-"We don't have that species of tick here". Yea, tell that to the Lyme patients I had at OMHS. Question-will the atb be able to reach the buggers, hidden deep in my joints, my tissues, my brain? Will Cindy be allowed to keep me on meds long enough to do some good, or will she catch flack for going against accepted medical protocol? Will we obtain results worth the hell that is Herxheimer's, or the possible side effects of the med?

The worst of the herxs come and go, but the constant feel-weird stays. My head feels, at the same time, empty and full of concrete. Everything hurts. I had a migraine most of yesterday, and I rarely get those since quitting work. IC gets bad a couple of hours after I get up, and gets worse as the day goes on, unless I nap for hours. I feel like my skin is stretched over fragile glass tubes, filled with nitro-one hard bump,and I'll implode. My feet and hands tingle constantly. The symphony that is my regular tinnitus changes pitch, intensity, sounds like a badly amateur orchestra tuning up on rusty instruments. I woke from a three hour nap yesterday with my legs in a bizarre, cold tingle from above the knees down to my toes. That scared the shit out of me.

Strangely, I have periods when I can sew, or clean, or give dogs baths. When I start feeling "off" I'll take a break, lying with the heating pad trying to ease the crotch ache. If I lie too long, it hurts like hell to try to get up. To top it off, I cry so easy, it's embarrassing. I try not to let Randy catch me at it, and don't dare try to call Donna or Keith.

'K, enough bitching for now-tomorrow's another day. Either this gets better, or it doesn't. At least, feeling like crap tells me that the doxy is working, and what I feel is toxin from the dying sons-of-bitches spirochets. At least, I hope that's what it is. I hope I'm not poisoning myself for nothing.

2010-06-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

Long time, no blog. I'm no longer viewing blogging as a competitive art form, or a chronalogical journal to be caught up as needed. I refuse to so much as consider spelling, grammer, or sentence structure. This is a journal, existing for my own benefit, my own mental health. If anyone reads it, fine. If not, fine. I need the space to put my thoughts and feelings into words-Charlene has long recommended I do this. So. I've said that before, then backslid. Hm...

Today is Ryan's birthday party-why didn't I get an invite? I still haven't started on his, or Wes's, birthday gift quilts-been busy in the yard and garden, and then there's the sample quilt I volunteered to make for Nancy's shop. I guess I should shoot for Wes's birthday here in about a week and a half, and try to have both quilts done for that. Energy level is going to have to stabilize, though. I've had too many bad days lately-maybe the product of overdoing in the yard and garden, on my surprisingly good days? I'm hoped to do some serious sewing the last couple of days, but give out too soon. Hours-long naps each day don't seem to help that much. I have an appointment to see a shrink's NP in a couple of weeks-might be a change in meds is in order. I'm not as down as I was a while back, but I still catch myself thinking my life is essentially over. Not sure that's anything that meds or counseling can help with.

Good news-Terry is FINALLY a free man! Divorce papers came this morning-we shared a Halleluja moment, and he's off to celebrate with his new squeeze. I like Dawn. What a change from what's-her-name! Thank you, all the gods and goddesses!!!

Randy is out trying to finish up the hay baling. Seeing as how that's he had his heart attack five years ago, it scares me, but he's much wiser, and more cautious now. He always has his cell with him, and insists I keep mine close at hand. I guess I scare him some, too. I scare me sometimes.

'K, off to the sewing loft-if nothing else gets done around here (and I've already done some housecleaning), I WILL piece on Nancy's quilt.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know : Invisible Illness Awareness Week

2009-08-31T05:07:00.001-07:00

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know : Invisible Illness Awareness Week

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2009-08-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Last time I was on Pristiq, I remember having better results than this. Yea, the fatigue is improved-still have to watch the push/crash thing-but my mood sucks. I'm having a hell of a time accepting that I'm possibly too ill to ever go back to work. Or, do even a fraction of what I used to do in a day's time. I feel like my life is over. I look at unfinished work around the house, like the drywall inthe basement or stairway trim, or think about all the fabrics I may never feel like making into anything, or the weeds taking over the flower beds, and I wonder if I'll ever be truly functional again. I think about living with limited finances for the rest of my life, and realize how much I'll be having to sacrifice to make ends meet. Then, I wonder how we're supposed to make ends meet when Katie moves out, especially if I can't get disability payments. How am I supposed to make the house payments?

No grandkids, the kids are grown, no job, my health falling apart, losing my friends, the unfinished house, very limited energy to do much of anything. Yea, I'd say my life is pretty well over. So, what is there to get up for in the mornings?

2009-08-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

I decided, since I was feeling somewhat better this morning but wanted to present a believable case when I go Tuesday to apply in-person for disability, I'd cut my Effexor dose in half. NOT a good idea. By early this afternoon, I was back in bed. After a two-and-a-half hour nap, I heard Randy mowing the yard. The resultant guilt pushed me out of bed, but the neurotransmitter deficit allowed that damned, sucking darkness to creep back into my thoughts. I started wondering where Randy hid the gun. That's when I decided to take the second Effexor. It still hasn't completely kicked in, but I did finish the vacuuming, and cooked supper.

The returning depression wasn't the only thing I noticed today. I've always known I have some OCD tendencies when under stress, but was still surprised to catch myself mindlessly wiping the same stretch of counter top over and over. That, and random phrases from my thoughts seemed to get caught in my mind, playing like an old scratched record. Charlene seemed interested when I admitted to counting silly things like biscuit dough kneading, predicated, perhaps, by hours spent knitting. I have noticed that the worries running through my head at bedtime appear to be on a continuous, repetative loop. Perhaps, by that time of night, the Effexor is starting to wear thin?

Anyway, I think I'll chalk today's experiment to a lesson well learned. And maybe I'll call Monday for an appointment to talk to Cindy, my practitioner, about a change in meds. I don't need to get so close to that black, sucking tarpit again.

The Counselor Made Me Do It

2009-08-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

Going into week three, Post Apocalyptic Phase (P.A.P.),(as Baby Bro called my post-meltdown mindset). I'm still slogging through the worst zombie-fuge CFS attack I've had in a long, long time. Soul-sucking, boneless fatigue. No, not boneless-I can tell they're still there, they hurt. I'm good for about two hours of light housecleaning each morning, then I'm flat out in bed or on the couch, covered in two or three cats, and maybe a dog. Frustrated would be an understatement-all this time off, and no energy to do anything. Sucks.

Back at the Home for the "Temporarily, Acutely, Frighteningly Semi-Suicidally Deranged" (aka "Adult Crisis Intervention Unit"), I was advised to keep a daily journal. Good advice-assuming I had the get-up-and-go to get it all down in words. And assuming I could clear my brain cells past my perpetual brain fart fog, and string words into something worth writing. I guess I must be feeling somewhat better. Or, I miss interacting with coworkers and patients so bad, I need the keyboard to talk to. (Katie and Randy have been wonderful, but, man, I get so lonesome). Or maybe it's just the newly limited caffeine kicking in. Whatever-I figure my blog will make as good a journal as any. Hell, it ain't like I've blogged enough for anyone to still bother to read it, anyway. And if you do, bless you. My online friends have been wonderful-at least looking at emails give me one reason to get up in the mornings. You people are greatly appreciated, even if I usually fail to aknowledge it.

Tomorrow is the second of the counseling sessions I agreed to keep up, before the shrink would ok my parole from the Crisis Unit. The course of my P.A.P. has been, shall we say, erratic-short bursts of house cleaning, wallpapering, painting energy, interspersed with long stretches of sofa-slumped catatonia, highlighted by "what-the-hell-do-I-do-now" soul searching. I love, love, love my counselor, Charlene-she totally "gets" so much of what's been dogging me, including the CFS. Which is a double-edged sword. She understands the erratic energy-outages, the IQ meltdown leading to the inability to learn and retain (especially when under stress), and the resultant reluctance to even think about taking on another new job. The negative? She "gets it" beyond what I've been able to face myself. Not five minutes into the first session last week, and she's recommending I apply for disability, officially for the depression (as that's easier to document), but, in actuality, for the CFS.

Now, I admit that(possibly) having this option is a huge load off of my shoulders-I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking about going back to the stress associated with any sort of nursing. Still, the realization that my career (such as it was) might be over makes me kinda sick. I feel like part of me, what helps makes me ME, has been pronounced end-stage, terminal, No Code. I'm proud to be a nurse. (Well, I was, until the last smouldering coals of burnout flamed up and consumed what was left of my soul. Now I'm just hugely ashamed of having gone down in flames). There's no satisfaction quite like knowing I've helped ease someone's genuine pain, or helped head off infection with a well-done sterile dressing change, or faced down some arrogant, overpaid MD on a needy patient's behalf. Bad as I resented having to leave the house, I needed having a place to go, something worthwhile to do, and, not incidentally, an INCOME to call my own. Disability, especially for a psych condition, feels like giving up. It feels like letting the bastards win-the admin, management, politics, the bullshit shovers who make nursing the hell-on-earth stress snakepit it can be. It feels like crying uncle, and kowtowing to the bullies who stand, smirking, over my prostrate form, then rush off to find their next new-grad-nurse victim to use up, burn out, toss aside.

OK, fodder for tomorrow's session, Today, I need to start gathering names, addresses, diagnoses from docs, lab work on my stupendously elevated EBV titre, old records documenting various previous meltdowns, etc. I'd rather pick my nose with a tire iron, but that's not an option.

First, to deal with dirty dishes. Old family tradition-when the going gets tough, the tough clean house. Then we hole up with tranqs and trashy novels. Grandma, this Xanax and book's for you.........

"Something For Everyone" basket, tickets benefited Heart Association.

2009-03-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

The cats think the neatest things in the basket of goodies I won at work ARE the baskets. I suspect they ain't gonna be so fond of the Pedi-Paws that came as part of the prize. Might ought'a have a unit or two of packed red blood cells on standby, before I try it out on any of them.

Too many cats, not enough baskets?

2009-03-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

Ticked off Tubby, too late to claim the bigger basket....and Ziggy ain't sharing!

Restoring the St. Rose window

2009-03-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

A wealthy benefactor left tiny St. Rose a nice bequest-and BIL Kenny's contracting business landed the job of adding a tiny bathroom in the front of the old church. So, Kenny and his assistant (a good-ol', redneck Protestant boy, who identified the kneelers as "neat padded footrests!") were tugging to separate two pieces of conduit. The guys tugged and tugged, and the conduit finally slipped free-right through one of the gothic-style stained glass windows. Poor Kenny-I'm sure he had immediate visions of every nun/teacher he'd ever had, throwing up their hands, declaring his soul headed straight to Hell for breaking a church window. Not enough Hail Mary's in the world gonna help him out there....

So, anyway, he asked (begged) me to consider patching the window. Once I saw it, I knew that simple patching was out of the question-the window was so buckled, the lead so rotten, that several of the panes had already broken, most likely under their own weight. Multiple, heavy layers of old putty only made the mess worse, along with several incredibly inept (if well intentioned) previous repairs. I told Kenny that the only way I'd fix the window was to totally dissasemble and relead it.

Sooo.....this is "before", once Randy helped free the glass pieces from the defunct lead. Note the contrasting piece of yellow "repair" glass-one of several that had been simply puttied into place.

2009-03-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

Wish I'd grabbed the camera for a "before" pic before Randy got so into taking the window apart. He was on a roll-and I wasn't about to stop him!

2009-03-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Almost finished-one or two more days of putty, polish, and rebar should do it. I'd ordered the repair glass based on texture-true antique glass is impossible to match perfectly. Sure wish the colors had been closer, though. I offered to reorder darker blue and yellow, but I think Kenny wants the window back in place ASAP. (Maybe the number of days it takes to get the window back in it's proper place will determine the length of his sentence in purgatory?? Wonder if Kenny's mama will light a candle for me, for saving his soul-even us agnostics like to hedge our eternal bets!)

I hope the folks of St. Rose decide to have the other five matching windows restored, even if I don't get the job myself. I need to post some photos of the church-120 something years old, it's so pretty.

Oh, and if I do get the job, I'm charging more to do the rest-I'd forgotten how much tedious grunt work is involved in staind glass!

Wind Chill

2009-01-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

Merciless wind rattles the limbs,
My own, and the naked trees.
Living things, the trees cry in pain.
Trunks bow, twigs snap,
My fingers ache in sympathy.

Rebirth

2009-01-14T09:31:00.001-08:00

Under a quilt of dead grass, dirt, and leaves
The wombs of flowers sleep in innocence
Infinite embryos of spring
Cradled within the mothering husks
Of bulbs, awaiting rebirth
Under a quilt of dead grass, dirt, and leaves.

2008-12-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

We had Sandra's memorial service today-not a funeral, as she'd been cremated. Guess that's really about the only difference in the two. In between the service and dinner at Donna's, cousin Eddie, his girl Karen, and various other family members took the urn to bury between Grandma's and our grandfather's graves. Not sure that's totally legal, but what the hell....guess that was an unsaleable bit of cemetary anyway, so, whatever. I intend to make my own wishes clear-cremate me, but do NOT bury my ashes! How is that any better than being left to rot underground in a sealed box? Free my ashes, let them start over in the chain of life. Let me become fertilizer for the wildflowers, minerals in the grass the deer eat, mulch to loosen the heavy clay soil, dust in the wind....but, don't trap me underground, useless to the cycle of nature.

I can't believe how badly Sandra's untimely, unexpected death has gotten to me. It just seems the end to a family era-first Mom and Dad, now Cecil and Sandra. Guess it would help if I really believed they were all "fishing together in heaven", as Donna put it in her eulogy. (Death and depression are hell on athiests-pardon the pun). Donna, as usual, did a marvelous job on the eulogy-funny, warm, wise...just wish she hadn't had so many of them to give in recent years. I told her we needed to set her up at some local "open mike" comedy night, but first, she'd have to get some new, non-funeral material.

I have such a hard time being around my extended family-love them so much, but never feel like I fit in. Easy conversationalists, sparkling personalities, comfortable with each other, they're a force to be reckoned with. And then there's forgetable little me, nothing interesting or interested to say, holding up the wall over in the corner, looking to escape at the first polite moment. I always feel too fat, too dull, too homely, too out-of-touch and unfashionable, too rural, too undereducated, too.....whatever. I come home ready to pick apart everything about my life-my house, my kids, my pudgy little body, my job, my hobbies..... The one satisfaction I have is that I have probably the best DH of the bunch-well, maybe except for Tim, who quilts and set Nancy up with the shop. What a man!

Right now, I just want to groundhog into a burrow and not come out. Damn the holidays, I just want them over, the winter to go away and leave me alone, the house payments give me a moratorium, let me hibernate until I feel like going back to that purgatory I call my job.

I really, really need to wake up in the morning without this huge black cloud over my head. Randy and Katie are trying not to hover over me, but it's clear I'm scaring them. I swear I don't mean to-just wish I could dissapear for a while, not have to deal with anyone, not have to smile, not have to pretend my attitude doesn't suck, and I'm not ashamed of how big a loser I am.

'K, off to bed, to try again to sleep. What is it, something about sleep that knitteth up the raveled sleeve of care? Whatever.

Proud Mama

2008-11-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

Just found this on Cute Overload, and thought of you, Ali. Don't they look like the old Pound Puppies, complete with the logo on their tushes?

2008-11-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Today is the day we set aside to honor those who have given of themselves to keep us safe, and America free. Without the sacrifices of our veterans, along with currently active military, ours would not be the free country that we know and love today.

My dad served in the Army in the last days of WWII, and in the Air Force as an airplane mechanic instructor during Korea. A "yellow dog Democrat", Dad was one of the most sincerely patriotic people I've ever known. I consider myself especially blessed to have been his daughter, even if our ideologies and political stances were light-years apart, especially during my turbulent teen years in the late sixties and early seventies.

My good-lookin', big-hearted daddy has been gone for nearly twenty-three years now. My kids are the poorer for not having known him, and rarely a day goes by that I don't think of him, and miss him.

Happy Veterans' Day, Dad. I love you.

Elusive Elk and Cold-Shoulder Cousins

2008-10-22T03:11:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend at Buckhorn Lake, near Hazard, Kentucky. Man, I thought around here was Redneck Country! Down in that neck of the woods, there must be one church for every three homesteads, and the hills are sooooo steep, they probably only get two full hours of daylight, even in the summer months. I actually saw one tiny church set back into a nich carved out of the mountain side, with hardly any place for the congregation to park. Another clutched the hillside with a bridge spanning the smallish creek in front of it. The tiny bridge started at the highway, and ended at the church steps.

I was pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of most of the people. Not that I'd recommend exploring up one of those lonesome gravel backroads-I expect you'd be met by shotgun and rottweiler, lucky to be given time to state your business before being blasted to Hell or Halleluja. Miserably lost trying to find our way from highway 150 to 30, we stopped to ask directions. As I stepped out of the truck, I checked out the sign-"Robinson's Groceries and Bait". Ewwwwwww......!! Not really the friendliest of folk, maybe I should have prefaced my request for directions with "Well, howdy, cousin!".

The elk tour turned out to be a bust-we arose at 4:30 Sunday morning to find the mountains smothered by a thick, cold fog. After driving into Hazard's Super WalMart to pick up the forth of the five couples who had signed on for the van tour, the driver decided we'd best wait for the fog to lift. Remember that they get very few hours of daylight at best? I had to agree with the tiny driver (at 4'10", I'm sure I towered a good five inches above her!). The thought of meeting a coal or log truck on one of those incredibly twisty, dark, narrow roads, in that fog, was terrifying. (One whiplash-tight curve featured regularly spaced mirrors, the better to see doom careening from the opposite direction. Not that there would be anyplace to swerve, should you need to. The choices? into the rock wall or down the steep mountainside....Hell or Halleluja, indeed!) We ended up heading out to the refuge at nine. By that time, the elk had frolicked all they could stand for the morning, and were sleeping it off hidden snug in the small patch of woods at the bottom of the old strip mine. After driving around for a couple of hours, we gave up and left-only to spot one lonesome yearling peering at us from the woods, not a mile outside of the refuge confines.

Oh, well. At least we can say we saw an elk......

Goodbye is hard to do...

2008-10-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

I found out only a few days ago that my Dad's oldest brother, Cecil, is dying of liver cancer. Some of you might remember me mentioning him-he's my oldest paternal uncle, married to my Mom's younger sister. Mom and Dad got them together after Cecil's whiny, hypochondriac first wife, Viola, died, and Sandra finally divorced the lousy rat bastard she'd been married to. Cecil and Sandra have had nearly thirty good years together, the first few as best friends and traveling buddies with Mom and Dad. They all knew then that Dad's COPD was end-stage, and were determined to enjoy life, and each other's company, while they were able to. The irony here-none of us expected to lose Mom first.

Anyway, I digress. Or, maybe not-I suspect that the impending loss of Uncle Cecil bothers me so because of the link to my parents. That, and I worry about Sandra-she's always been a heavy smoker, and this ordeal (along with Cecil's Parkenson's, diagnosed a few years back) is hard on her, to put it lightly.

I stopped by to see Cecil after work Tuesday, and was shocked and saddened by what I saw. The man who once so resembled my father is now reduced to a skeletal shell of his former self. I'm trying hard to remember him as he was-not as how he's come to be.

Nothing much of real wisdom I want to say here, except the renewed knowledge that life is fleeting, and family precious. I'm going to miss Cecil.

Back from the Land of the Lost?

2008-10-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

Been a looooonnnggg time since I posted any musings from my junky little mind (as Ali recently none too gently reminded me!). Thought I'd show off Confetti Stars, finally quilted and finished. Had a devil of a time quilting with the metallic varigated thread, but I learned a lot in the process.

I just loaded the Sherbet top in the frame, and doodled a bit of free-hand flower quilting. It works with the silly flowers in the print, and is fun to do.

Been thinking for a while now about the whole purpose of this blog. When I started it, I was closly affiliated with the FGMs, and took care not to offend anyone, so as to avoid reflecting negatively on the Forest. Which is all well and good-my intent is never to hurt anyone's feelings, but that said, I think I need to be more open and honest in what I post. Feeling and viewpoints, if deeply, passionately held but kept smothered, can damage the person holding them.

Soooo......if you're not one for controversy, or just plain can't stand to hear me whine and bitch at times, you might not appreciate my new blogging philosophy. Otherwise, hang on to your seat. The going can get rough here in the JunkDrawer Mind!

Visiting Royalty

2008-05-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

Can't believe I've let the blogging go so long-tooooo many irons in the fire, I suppose.

Still recovering from Nancy and Mary Kay's visit yesterday. I swear, I couldn't have been any more nervous if it had been royalty! You gotta understand-these women were my idols as I grew up. The sophisticated, beautiful, social butterfly aunts next door, who spoiled me rottten, read to me, showed me the basics of stitching stamped enbroidery, dressed me in gypsy rags and glitter for Halloween, and generally were living goddesses to my awe-struck child's eyes.

I'm still totally in awe of them, and even further amazed by their expressions of admiration for my crafting and such. I've always wanted to be them when I grew up-and haven't even come close. Guess I just gotta be who I am-and accept that.

God, I'm exhausted.....

Come join us on the Front Porch!

2008-03-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

Heya'll...

I'm tickled to announce a new venture for me-my very own list! For some time now, I've considered setting up a "place" for friends, family, and brand-new friends to chat, share, learn, and visit. You can find us at
theredneckmuse-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. At least, I HOPE that will get you there-I've gotten several messages so far today that this link doesn't seem to work...

Oh, well, if it doesn't, email me. If at first you don't succeed, and all that...

Meet you on the Porch!

From the Heart

2008-03-18T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have things I need to say, and don't feel like "the list" is the place to say them. So, here goes...

1. I'm heartbroken that friends are heartbroken. You know who you are-I love you, and deeply wish I could take the hurt away. You know that, even should I be away from the computer or phone for a bit, I'll always "talk" to you as soon as I see your messages. The good part of me wants to make it all better. Above all, please, please, take care, be good to yourself, do NOT do anything to hurt yourself further, and feel the positive loving energy beaming your way. It's real, it's deeply powerful, and it's yours.

2. Human nature being what it is, I realize that people will hurt and neglect people. I'm guilty of that myself-and those I've neglected, and consequently hurt, you know who you are. I love you, too, and wish I could take away the hurt I may have caused. Please bear with me. I have my own issues-physical, mental, emotional. (Hell, we all know they're inextricably intertwined). I guess what I want to say is that the not-so-good part of me wants to duck and hide sometimes, in self-preservation. I know that's cowardly, but stress is wrecking havoc with my body. So, if you find that I'm not on the computer, or not answering the phone, don't think it's you. It's me, seeking Nirvana with my sewing machines, gardening, or just napping away another fatigue downer. I will get back to you, when strength allows. I do love you that much.

3. To those who allow and encourage me to create, play with pretty fabric, and explore my "inner artist"-a million thanks. You don't know what it means to me to be able to do this without guilt, and with a purpose. My fragil self-esteem soooo needed this avenue of expression, and the positive strokes it has produced-there is no stronger therapy. Nancy, I love you.....and Linda, I thank you for helping open the door to creative expression years back, with the start of the FGMs. I owe you so much for that.

4. To my family-thank you, thank you, for trying to understand me, for supporting me, and for loving me. I know I can be selfish, self-involved, and shallow with you, too, but words can't express how much I love you, one and all. If I ever let the lid off of how deeply I feel for you, I'd boil over. Maybe I'm like Mom in that respect, keeping a low profile with my emotions, knowing that when you care this deeply, you lay yourself open to be hurt this deeply. I'd cut out my own heart to avoid hurting any one of you-don't ever doubt the depth of that. My inner vision is of wrapping myself around you with my love and protection, like a clear, invincible sphere of safety, guarding you from any and all dangers and threats. I only wish I could. The fear of losing any of you sometimes keeps me awake at night, and haunts my days. Please temper your irritation with my nagging through that image. You, my family, are everything to me.

'K, now to attack some fiber therapy. Yesterday at work was a wonder of horror-if I'd had to go there again today, I think I'd just as soon open up a vein. I'm off to touch fabric, envision color and texture, and escape to my Nirvana. Or, maybe I'll just take a nap..

Love you all.

Pretty Kittys

2008-03-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

How's this for posing pretty?

2008-03-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

Or this?

Can I be one of my own cats in my next life?

2008-02-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

Seeking Shelter from the Storm

2008-02-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

Poor Max-he loves to go out at night, and we often let him. When he insisted on going out the night before the last ice storm started, and didn't come back for four days, I thought sure he'd become a frozen coyote treat...

Finally, while ice still glazed the ground and fell dangerously from the trees, Katie heard a plaintive mewing from the nearby woods. Sugar heard it-and led Katie straight to Max. Cold, hungry, but no worse for wear, he seemed extremely grateful to be home. And even more grateful that Randy had run off the big red boxer mix (which had been here over week, sniffing around the in-heat HoneyPup. Took a few well-distanced shotgun blasts, far off not to hurt him, but close enough to make him think with his head, not his 'nads. I guess it was the combination of that big dog, and the storm, that kept Max from making it home.

He and Bucky have since been making up for lost time, romping, stomping, and sounding like a herd of elephants playing upstairs.

Maw Whitler's Roses (or, Four Sisters)

2008-02-28T20:11:00.001-08:00

Well it's nearly March, but I finally finished Nancy's Christmas gift. Ahhmm...maybe I can call it an early Mother's Day gift for my favorite aunt? Nancy would be the one in the lower left corner, the baby of the four sisters. Top left is my mom, Carol, top right is Aunt Sandra, and bottom right is Aunt Mary K. Katie made a beautiful label for the quilt-I need to get a photo of it tomorrow. I still have a tiny bit of handwork to do to it, but intend to get it to the post office tomorrow, Monday at the latest.

Now then, on to....what next?

Joy and Jubilation-or, "I got my house back!"

2008-02-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

!!!!!YAYYAYYAYYYAYYY!!!!!! The kids are moved-!!!!!FINALLY!!!!!-into their new home, the double wide that Randy and I have been helping them buy and get set up since October. It took all morning, the four of us, four vehicles, and lots of slogging through the quicksand-like mud that constitutes their "front yard", in an often pouring rain, but we finally moved most of their belongings. For two kids who don't own hardly anything, they sure do have a lot of STUFF!! I swear, they must have hundreds of dollars invested in video games, equipment, and books! And here I was worried whether they could afford house payments....

Much as I enjoy having them around, I am SOOOO thrilled to have my house back. To be able to vacuum without two extra sleep patterns to work around. To wash maybe HALF as many dirty dishes-pick up half as much clutter and mess-answer half as many phone calls that aren't for me in the first place-sort Marc's clothing out of the dryer from Randy's.....well, you get the idea.

I'm honestly gonna miss their wit and sense of humor, though. Vanessa is a delight to be around, and the older Marc gets, the more I enjoy talking with him. If Katie is her daddy's mindset made over, Marc is increasingly mine, in some amazing ways. The way we butted heads when he was a teenager, I have to say, I never saw that coming! But, not only do I love my gangly, bespecaled, bookish little fledgling-I genuinely like him!

Anyway, the house is filled with a certain sweet peace and quiet. Think I'll celebrate-move over, Sugar, I'm claiming the sofa for a nap!

Nap Buddies?

2008-02-06T15:55:00.000-08:00

See what happens when I leave the bedroom door even the tiniest bit ajar? Lesseeee...one cat, two cats, uhhh...and that's Bucky barely visable right in front of my sleeping head? OMG, my allergies!

Finished!

2008-02-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

Finally-I just put the last few (machine) stitches into the Storybook Quilt. TaDa!!

This gets sent to Nancy's shop. I'm asking her to put a price tag on it (including her shop commission), and if it sells, pay me my share in fabrics. The same Moda "Mother Goose and Friends" fabrics that this is made from-except for the Mother Goose print itself, as I want to make something old-fashioned and scrappy pieced from them.

And if it doesn't sell? Won't particularly hurt my feelings, as I rather like the looks of it hanging on my wall, and can save it for an eventual grandkid. I have new hope-Vanessa has shared with me the baby names she eventually would like to use. YIPEEE!!

Storybook Quilt

2008-02-01T17:11:00.001-08:00

Finally finished piecing the Storybook Quilt from the Moda "Mother Goose and Friends" fabric Nancy sent me as a Christmas gift/design challenge. I absolutely love the fabrics! And, I'm fairly pleased with how the "book" concept turned out-each square has a "cover page" which slips out of the flap, opens, and displays a fussy cut from the main Mother Goose print. If I had it to do over, I think I'd approach it a bit differently-lots and LOTS of frog stitching in this ("rip-it, rip-it!!)

Anyway, I hope to get this quilted early this coming week. 'Course, I also hope-a bit desperately at this point-to get Marc and Vanessa moved into their new double wide. Please, Mother Nature, can you give us some dry, fairly mild weather for the finishing details (aka electric hookup, furnace/air installation, skirting, etc)?!? I need to be able to sew again without waking any shift workers-and our spare bedroom adjoins my sewing loft! Have mercy, Mama Nature!!

Future Quilting Studio

2008-02-01T16:39:00.000-08:00

Here it is-my soon-to-be machine quilting "studio". Actually one end of my basement garage, these photos show the slow, painful transformation from a butt-ugly "concrete-job-from-hell" to the daintily papered, shell pink stucco'ed haven it has become. 'Course, it's still cold as a welldigger's shovel, but we just gotta suffer for our art, right?

The walls are pink, since I thinned the drywall compound I used on them with leftover paint. In this case, some pink I'd bought in error, while trying to replicate the pinky beige we have at work. And the paper is some bro Keith gave me-he'd found it at Lowe's at a ridiculously low clearance price. Hey, this stuff is the really good, heavy textured stuff, making it perfect to cover the drywall I didn't want to sand on forever. I'd offered it to all the kids, and a friend at work, and had no takers. I think it looks pretty spiffy, though, don't you? I still have four double rolls of it left-and am seriously considering using it on the upstairs hall.......

Oh, and the op-art panels are part of the set from the 'Laugh In' skit we did for the union Christmas party year before last. Don't they go well with the pink??

Dental Health Reminder

2008-02-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

Bucky says, "To keep those ivorys shiny white, remember to FLOSS daily!"

New Talent in Town!!

2008-01-23T14:52:00.001-08:00

Heyall...

Just got a call from baby bro, Keith. I could tell he was super excited by the tone of his voice-and now I am, for him!

Seems he showed a photo of one of his woodcarvings to a lady he works with. Who showed it to her neighbor-who happens to be a stone carver. Said stonecarver was VERY impressed-so much so, he came to view Keith's works, bringing along six of his students. Now said neighbor (art professor at Kentucky Wesleyan College) wants eight or ten of Keith's carvings for a ONE MAN SHOW!!! at the college!!!!!

Keith is totally blown away that his talent is being recognized. I've always recognized and admired his creative imagination, but it's only been recently that he's taken up chainsaw and chisel-yep, you read that right-to express himself in simple, uncured firewood logs. And a star is born.....

This is the gargoyl I asked him to create for me, once I found out he was carving. The Apple Man is for Katie-she asked for an "apple". LOL!! When I get a photo of the fish that impressed the professor, I'll post that, too-and the captain's head. Too bad his boss still has Keith's first carving (a guy with his head where a head does NOT belong-good thing the boss has a warped sense of humor!).

I'm proud as punch of my baby bro. And you can see why!

Rubber Nest, Subprime Mess, and Cold Paint

2008-01-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

It has finally made it up to a balmy 28 degrees here-down to 5 above last night. Even if Marc's slumlord hadn't turned off the water d/t a leaking pipe (which he consistantly neglects to fix, along with soooo many other things!!) the water in their crappy, death-trap, overpriced rental house would have been frozen up solid. One part of the piping actually lies above ground-can you believe it?? There's a special place in hell for that guy, if there is a hell. If not, karma's gonna bite him so bad in the assssss....so, anyway, I finally decided I couldn't take it any more, and fetched Marc and Vanessa home to our tiny spare bedroom yesterday.

Oh, and thanks to their !!!!!!NINE!!!!!! cats, that sh**tt* little hovel IS the best place the kids could find to rent!! No heat, since the central air/heat unit has been busted probably forever, and the crappy little chimney shows daylight through the sides, so NO wood fires. Unless you want to count the house itself, thanks to the ever-tricky, spark spitting wiring. Now, see why we've been fighting the sub-prime mortgage-induced lending swamp, just to get financing for a double wide for them? We'd hoped to have them in by October-yea, right!! They finally brought out the two sections Friday, and we expect them to tie them together tomorrow, and probably do the inside trim stuff the day after. Randy plans to take a day or two off this week to rent a ditch-witch to dig our for the pipes, then install the water pump. Hopefully, in the meantime, the electric will be run to them, and Randy's electrician nephew Lewis can hook everything up. Here's hoping the kids won't be bunking here more than a week or so. Love them to pieces, but my nerves can only take so much. They're already worried about the cats they left behind-the rents paid up, so the landcreep can't lock them out, or dispose of the cats, but the kids still worry. Ah, well.....and did I mention that Randy and Katie are mildy pissed at me for bringing them home? I can't win.....

In the process of trying to find reasonable financing for the double wide, I decided to change banks. Our little hometown bank sold out a few years ago, and lost it's soul in the process. Soooo.....I'm changing to the bank that gave the kids the loan. The one whose president just happens to be the jock who cheated off my test papers all through high school? And blatantly brags about it? I reminded Rick that he owes his high school diploma to me. Not sure how the heck he made it through UK....

Anyway, I'm getting a loan through them that will pay off all my current loans, and at lower interest rate. By stretching out a couple of my current loans, I can still pay off EVERYTHING in five years, allowing me to semi-retire!!! And remain part-time for until then. And still get the cashola for the Grace/Juki that I'm fixing up the basement for. AND be paying out about three hundred less each month in loan payments!! All in exchange for paying a couple of the current loans a couple of years longer-yea, I can live with that!

So, today while the kids sleep off their second-and third-shift WalMart jobs, I'm in the cold basement, painting the ceiling. Oh, and Randy's pissed about that, too. Doesn't understand why I'm bothering...yea, I give up. Just a way to keep me busy until I can order the machine-not that I don't have a thousand other things to do, but, as I TRIED to explain to Randy, sometimes what I need most to do, and what I want most to do, ain't exactly the same.

Anyway, until the kids wake up, and I can vacuum the dustbuffalos thundering through the house, I'm back to the basement, and the paint roller.

Keep warm, everybody, and well!!

Hankie Quilt

2007-12-29T15:52:00.001-08:00

Hard to believe I had so many false starts with this small wallhanging-but, then, I started it with only the vaguest idea of where I wanted to go. Along the way, I decided that the "lattice work" needed to be interwoved just so, that I needed to cut the large rose fabric to focus on "bouquets", and that the corner blocks needed to square in on individual roses. If only I'd made these decisions from the start, I'd have used up a lot less fabric and time!

I hope to finish stitching down the longer ribbons tomorrow, then do a close estimate of yardages needed, and make up something of a pattern for it. Then machine quilt it, and it's off to Nancy, and her Four Sisters Quilt Works shop.

Next-to work up something for the Mother Goose fabrics she sent me. Gotta say, I'm loving this-being provided with gorgeous fabrics, and a guilt-free excuse to play around with them. Creative heaven! What more could a quilter ask for....'cept maybe live-in help to clean house and cook while I play?

Thanks again, Nancy and Tim!!

Pillow Stuffing?

2007-12-29T15:47:00.001-08:00

Introducing the New, All Natural, Environmentally Correct, Sustainable Alternative to those petroleum based fill materials....KITTY FILL!! One box stuffs the average sofa pillow. Available in white, tabby, and calico....

Tree Ornament?

2007-12-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

But-does he light up, or sing Jingle Bells??

"Wild Hair" wall hanging

2007-12-17T09:42:00.000-08:00

So waddya think-"WOMBAT" or "worthwhile"??

I'd decided to make a Drunkard's Path wallhanging for my Dirty Santa gift at our unit Christmas party. Somewhere along the line, I spotted "butterflys", and that's when I got the wild hair to develop it into something different. Different, d'ya think? Now I'm not a bit sure I want to give this away at the party....

It's just fused so far, with a layer of Pellon fleece for batting. I think I'll machine applique as I quilt it, with invisable thread on top, and a varegated quilting thread in the bobbin. With a wide, but tight zig-zag? Not quite satin stitch, but close enough to hold the edges....or, maybe the same varigated on top too.

Think I'll call it "Drunken Butterflys".

Max and "little brother" Tiny

2007-12-06T07:17:00.000-08:00

Honey at five months-and growing!

2007-12-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

Hannah's Monkeys

2007-12-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

Finished Hannah's "Big Sister" quilt last night, using the Funky Monkey fabrics Nancy sent me, along with some I ordered from Four Sisters, and some MORE that she generously sent me. Love this fabric-it reminds me of toys from my long ago childhood. (Uh, make that my FIRST childhood. Sometimes I think I'm entering my second, as much joy as memories of Sock Monkeys and such can bring me).

Ah, well. Maybe it's just that "long term memories linger" thing.

Anyway, I hope GrandNiece Hannah enjoys this little quilt as much as I enjoyed making it. Thanks again, "Most Favorite Aunt and Quilt Shop Owner in the Whole Wide World" Nancy!

2007-11-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

Nancy sent me this Funky Monkey fabric after a customer brought it back to her, deciding the panel piece wasn't right for making a book. Refusing to accept her money back, she told Nancy to "send it to someone who quilts, and call it a RAOK".

Here is what I've stitched up so far. This will become Hannah's "Big Sister", Christmas gift quilt, once I get the rest of what I need from Nancy. It reminds me of stories Mom told of baby bro Keith, and how terrified he was of my wind-up toy monkey. Seems the monkey was based on one from the Tonight Show, or some such? And, of course, I remember the Sock Monkeys. Vanessa tells me she just finished crocheting a version of that-and swears she'll never make another, it was tough!

Feeding Time!

2007-11-27T05:12:00.000-08:00

New Kid on the Block

2007-11-26T09:16:00.001-08:00

Figured it was time to show off Tiny, the newest member of the Atwood Menagerie. He (she?) has yet to grow into her eventual name, so "Tiny" fits-for now!

Runway Lights?

2007-11-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

Santa's coming?? Really?!? I'll just hit Eye High Beam to help him land the sleigh....

Framed!

2007-11-20T03:31:00.000-08:00

I really need to get a daytime shot of this window to show the true colors through the glass, but at least the painted framing shows here. As does the gold I painted on the leading-a tedious job, yea, but I'm pleased with how it turned out. Now I can see what was wrong with the window all along-it wasn't proportioned right for the wall. Now, I think it is....

2007-11-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

"A Twizzler? For me?? Why, thank you!"

2007-11-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

"...nawmnawmmm.."

2007-11-13T17:24:00.000-08:00

"Uhhh...got a toothpick on ya'??"

2007-11-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

Ziggy the Nefarious Curtain Shredder...

"AHA!! Post-haste, while none watches....I shall make ravelings of these!"

2007-11-13T17:18:00.000-08:00

HoneyPup To The Rescue!!
"Unhand (ahm, 'unpaw'?) that curtain, you fiendish feline!"

2007-11-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hey, Baby Bro and Rita-do'ya like this? The pattern, showing the borders, is a bit further down-and turned sideways. Just let me know. If this doesn't really blow your hair back, let me know, and I'll find something else. I like this one well enough to keep it, anyway.....

2007-11-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

Baby Bro finds a new talent....

2007-11-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

Wish this photo had come out better-the detailing didn't show like it should have...

Challenged by wife Rita to help make "tribal masks" from styrofoam for her special ed students, my baby brother Keith discovered a talent he didn't realize he had-carving. After making a variety of masks for the kids, Keith decided to give wood a try-specifically, ash, with an electric chainsaw as his tool

These are two of his first efforts. The minute I saw the one, I pictured our part native American step-grandmother, Bonnie. The Keith showed me the other-OMG!! It was ME!!! Especially with my glum, stern expression.....

Sooooo, it's on to finding wood out here on the farm for Keith to sculpt-his next project is a large gargoyle, destined for my front porch entry. Figure that ought to discourage the traveling Bible salesmen!!

Finally got a fireplace.....

2007-11-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

2007-11-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

We built this house planning to put in a woodburning fireplace, with a wood furnace in the basement. Two years after moving in, Randy had his bypass surgery-and lost the desire to mess with the building of, or the feeding and upkeep of either fireplace or furnace.

Still, I've been missing the warmth and comfort of the wood stove in the old house. I'd looked into installing a gas fireplace-which Randy was ADAMANTLY opposed to. With the steadily increasing cost of LP gas, and the necessity of running a gas line from the tank across the entire length of the house, I can sorta understand.

OK, then, maybe electric? He wasn't particularly thrilled with that idea, either. Even when I found a Classic Flame 28" with gorgeous oak mantle on sale at an amazing 56% off, he was so aggravated that I'd bought it, he barely spoke to me.

Until I got it home. First, he grudgingly helped me unload it. Then, as I cut away the bubble wrap and cardboard, he asked for the booklet. Then he helped me set it up. And while I carved the WalMart rotisserie chicken, and spooned out the potato salad I'd brought home for supper, he studied the book and the remote. And then HE proceeded to show ME how to work the thing. Now he's talking about how he plans to cut away the baseboard to snug the fireplace against the wall...and wouldn't the twin oil lamps we found in that antique shop last weekend in Cadiz look great on the mantle?

Men. To quote the Forester Sisters, "You can't live with 'em, and you just can't shoot 'em...Men!"

2007-10-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's sideways, but at least I found it....see below post for explaination.

2007-10-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

Got the latest order from Four Sisters Quilt Works, which included the fabrics for the 'Reach for the Stars' pattern Nancy had given me. I'd chosen from Moda's 'Autumn Journey' collection, with one fabric out of 'Trail Adventures'-and they're perfect! Somewhere, I have on file the actual pattern photo itself, and soon as I find it, I'll post it, also, so you can get an idea of how this is supposed to work.

I intend to finish this up, and send it on to Nancy for shop display for a while. But, the way the Autumn Journey fabrics are selling, I'm not really sure she even NEEDS any help moving them-she says they're flying off the shelves! Oh, and I've found a machine quilter-my fav nurse's assistant/unit secretary Sheila's mom. Photos of her work look good, and if the real item is as nice, I intend to send my quilts to her from now on. Meaning, Nancy will be getting this quilted, bound, and with hanging sleeve.

'K, maybe I can let myself stop feeling so guilty over the 30% family discount, and all the patterns and freebie fat quartes she send me? Uhmm...nahhhh....

2007-10-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

Mine was the lucky letter chosen for the Fabulous Bonus prize in the Last Fairie Flying Halloween Block contest. And, I have to say, I love Snap's quirky sense of humor with this plaque-here it is adorning our front door. Now, if I could only find the orange and purple featherd Halloween wreath I'd made to go with it....dang, gotta get more organized around here...

2007-10-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

The FairieGoddessMothers just wrapped up a Sewing Room challenge-who had the messiest, who had the nicest, and who had the best organized. Needless to say, I did NOT win the "most organized", or "nicest", nor was I ever in the running! And that was before I decided to move the computer downstairs into the buffet/hutch/secretary that sat in the front entry.
Had I entered THESE photos, showing the debris and detrius emptied from both old and new desks, I would have surely had the dubious honor of winning the "Oscar" award for mess!

2007-10-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

This is the desk that Cheryl moved.

2007-10-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

This is the cat, who watched the pup, then jumped the desk, that Cheryl moved.

2007-10-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

This is the pup who lurked on the floor, and watched the cat, who jumped on the desk, that Cheryl moved.

2007-10-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

This WAS my new right hearing aid. Hope to hell the warrenty covers puppy-inflicted damage. This tiny bit of fancy computerized electronics is a LOT more valuable than any sack of malt!

Hopefully, only the housing is damaged-when Katie took it from the pup, mere moments after Elvira smacked it to the floor, it was still screaming. Had to open the battery door to stop the horrid squeal. I'm just grateful Katie got it away from HoneyPup before she could swallow it! Can you just imagine what an EGD costs to remove a hearing aid from a dog's tummy??

Ready for Nancy's Grand Opening!

2007-10-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

And immediately after this was taken, I shipped this and the 'Woodsy Wonders' top off to Wilson, and headed off to get that shaggy, wooly hair cut!

Shoe? Uhmmm..what shoe? (nawmnawmmm)

2007-10-03T03:38:00.000-07:00

Motor bikes for Mike

2007-09-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd post some photos from the Laneville, Indiana Harvest Festival. Randy and I spent our 35th anniversary there a couple of weeks ago-and, no, it wasn't nearly as boring as you might think!

The Festival is a huge draw, due mainly to its antique tractor, farm machinery, and car exhibits. When I saw these classic motorbikes, I knew I had to post photos for Ali's Mike. Enjoy, BikerDude!

I've been Taaaggggeedd!!!!

2007-09-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

Read Ali's blog-now I gotta describe myself, using the letters in MY name. Thank goodness this seems to apply to first name only!

C-Creative. Well, when the Muse whispers in my ear, anyway, if not when her evil sister, Depression, is sitting on me like a two-ton elepant....

H-Helpful. I try to be-but, not always. See above...

E-Eclectic. I like some oddly different things. Always keep'em guessing....

R-Rural. Take me out of the boonies, force me to live cheek-to-jowl with a bunch of people, and I'd shrivel up and die. If the kids ever want to do me in, all they'd have to do is put me in a nursing home. I wouldn't last a month!

Y-Wow, this one is tough! I'm sure not youthful, I try not to yammer, and I'm not yellow. Oh, I got it....I'm a Yarn crafter! Just this morning, I dragged out the Celtic Crochet poncho I've been working at off and on for so long, vacuumed a ton of critter hair from it, and took a few stitches. Enough to remember what crochet does to my arthritic left thumb....but, with the help of arthritis fomula Tylenol, I WILL finish it!

L-I don't really think I'm lazy. Tired sometimes, and particular about how I prefer to spend my time. And toiling away at my paying job just ain't my favorite way to while away my life! Hmmmm....L....Ahhh, loving! I love my hubby, love my kids, my sis and bro, Nancy, my friends.....good one!

And I love AliBrat for issuing this challenge! Now, those of you who read this-Tag, you're it!

Sherbet

2007-09-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

Aren't these fabrics enough to make you hungry? I intend to finish this up this next week, and send it on to Nancy to display in her shop. Then, it's on to machine quilting the Woodsy Wonders quilt. Then maybe the long-legged stars quilt from all those pretty marbled fabrics? Never have done paper piecing before-we'll see how this goes.....

Woodsy Wonders

2007-09-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

I finally finished piecing the Woodsy Wonders quilt for Nancy-the first quilt I'm making for her, in return for the fabric, and ownership of the quilts after she's displayed them in her shop. This one will be stashed away, awaiting our first grandchild-let's hope that happens, before the thing dry rots in storage! Now, on to the machine quilting-not my strong suit, but Nancy trusts me. And I am NOT letting her down!

I really should have been done with this piecing long ago, but have been stuck on a day-on, day-off, day-on, day-off merry-go-round work schedule. Between (still) trying to housebreak Honey and cleaning up after a DH, a DD, and entirely too many shedding furkids, those single days off are good only for housecleaning and maybe a short afternoon power nap (if I'm lucky!). The naps have become a necessity, since Menopause has decided, yet again, to raise her ugly, sweaty, cranky, overheated, sleepless, mood-swingy head. Damnnnnn....haven't I been through this enough times already?!?

I stopped by Kroger last night on the way home from work, and picked up some Black Cohosh supplement. The hot flashes and sleeplessness were bad enough-then there was that major-meltdown crying jag last week at work. Folks, I do NOT need that kind of mortifying embarrassment again!! I'll let you all know if the stuff works-I do know that, for the first time in weeks, I slept well last night. And feel a bit less prone to throwing things or contemplating bloody murder for minor infractions (such as Randy's mindless, tuneless, monstrously irritating whistling.)

Uhmmm.....think maybe this stuff takes time to reach therapeutic blood levels??

"D'ya mind-I'm trying to sleep!"

2007-09-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Sugar is finding it exhausing being big sister/mentor/playmate/role model to rambunctious, energetic Honey. So, what's a girl to do, but catch 40 winks on the sofa-her Beauty Sleep!

(Note the sleep mask in the tiny basket-maybe that would have kept the camera flash from disturbing her Sweet Dreams??)

Maxwell Not-So-Smart and Honey-two of the reasons I've spent all morning sweeping, vacuuming,and mopping!

2007-08-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Play Buddy

2007-08-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

This is the mischievious, winsome, handsome Buddy.

Nancy had been walking him for a neighbor when said neighbor rightly admitted to not having the time to care for the dog. Could Nancy take him in, and find a suitable home for him? Tim guessed right-Nancy didn't find a home. Better...she GAVE the lucky doggie a home, complete with a gorgeous half siamese (Simon) for snuggle pal, a safely fenced back yard to run in, ducks in the adjoining lake to chase, and a cozy sofa to sleep on when no one is looking. Pretty cushy, huh? One look into these soulful eyes, and you'll agree-Buddy deserves it all!

Scenes from "The Birth of a Quilt Shop-The Kinfolk Invasion".

2007-08-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure, but I think I died and went to heaven. No...not heaven, but North Carolina. (Did you expect "West Virginia?")

As I told Aunt Nancy-"If heaven doesn't have fabric, chocolate, and furkids, I ain't interested"....

(For more info on the soon-to-be-opened Four Sisters Quilt Works, go to http://www.foursistersquiltworks.com. And, yes, I AM doing a little free PR for the shop--I know someone in the quilt fabric biz, and I'm totally delighted about it!)

Yes, I'm already working on my next order from Four Sisters!

2007-08-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

Mz. Know-It-All, and the kind and tolerant Nancy

2007-08-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

"Heyyy-don't let the fact that I know absolutely NOTHING stop me from telling you how to set up your shop....yak-yak-yak...".

2007-08-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

The phone guy. He tried to hide-but, I caught him!

Here she comes with that damned camera again-quick, look busy!

2007-08-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

Home again, home again, jiggidy jig...

2007-08-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, got home yesterday afternoon from Nancy and Tim's place. What a beautiful, whimsically decorated house-in a lovely neighborhood, in a very pretty town. But, I gotta say, the "lake" behind their place, with the enormous fountain Tim put in and painstakingly maintains (much to the delight of their neighbors), had to be my favorite part of the whole trip.

Wellll....that and yakking with Nancy and Katie and Tim. Uhm, and dining at neat places with Nancy, Tim, and Katie. And then there's playing with gorgeous boxer doggie Buddy and kittykat Simon. Uhmmmm.....and I honestly enjoyed the plane rides, if not the airport experiences.

But, all that said, my REALLY FAVORITE part of the whole trip was PLAYING IN NANCY'S NEW SHOP!!! Welll.....her new, nearly-finished-stocked-and-nearly-ready-to-open shop. If poor Tim ever finished inventory on the thousands of threads Nancy's glommed onto. And guess what...any thread missing labels is MINEALLLLMINE!!!

Then there's the extra duffle bag we had to buy to cart home the YARDSANDYARDSANDYARDS of fabrics and other quilty goodies we brought home. Had to check this sucker for the flight-and we honestly worried it would exceed the weight limit. Not only did Katie and I buy tons of beautiful fabrics, but Nancy supplied me with all the stuff to make two sample quilts for display at the shop. I feel like the kid given the key to the candy shop!

Katie and I took loads of photos, and I'll start posting them later today, but first, gotta clear away more of the detrius from leaving Randy and the varmints home alone for four days. Not that Randy didn't obviously try to keep down the fuzz and mess, but this place badly needs a more firm hand on the vacuum and dishrag.

More to come........

Hey, Ali, sending some puppy love.......

2007-08-14T19:09:00.001-07:00

I'm still trying to get a really good photo of the new puppy, but she's either sleeping, or romping around too fast, terrorizing the cats, to catch! Ziggy is more tolerant of her than are the older cats, but even he's having some adjustment issues.

Anyway, meet six-week-old Honey. One of Trixie's puppies, I decided I had ought to help Terry by giving her a home (that still leaves Trixie's other five pups, but I think Terry is taking four of them to the no-kill Humane Society in nearby Tell City, keeping one of the brown and black males, and Trixie). She's been ours only four days, and has already had FOUR flea baths! Terry knows he has to de-flea the other pups before the shelter will take them-and then flea-bomb the spare room he's been letting them stay in during the days. Now you see why I wanted to rescue this little cutie?

I hate to admit I named her myself-I wanted a more original name, but 'Honey' seemed so perfect, and I knew it was a name that Randy and Katie could stand to use for her. Besides, isn't she exactly the color of a 'Bit-O'-Honey' candy bar?

Carolyn's Hummer

2007-08-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

The latest Wonderous Wings swap with the FairieGoddessMothers features hummingbirds. Luckily, the hummers who frequent our feeders have gotten somewhat used to me staring at them, trying to get the color patterns right. That's great-as long as they continue to skeedaddle when stared at and stalked by the cats!

Gift of Glass

2007-08-03T11:27:00.001-07:00

Finally finished the stained glass Double Wedding Ring that I'm giving Nancy as a 'shop warming' gift for her soon-to-be-opened quilt shop. (Go check it out-http://foursistersquiltworks@yahoo.com)

I'd dearly love to make her a larger piece, using the pretty opalescent white glass I recently bought, but time is getting away from me-the shop opens on September 1st, and Katie and I are flying out there to Wilson, North Carolina the week before, August 20-23.

Guess the 'Four Sisters' wall hanging I've been planning to isn't gonna be anywhere NEAR ready for the opening. Uhmmm.....gotta first get over my intense fear of tackling it, for it to ever get finished! New experience working with portrait quilting, you know? Uhmmmm....and did I mention neither Katie or I have ever flown, either?

Guess that's why the Pharmaceutical Gods created Xanax, right??

Summer Blooms

2007-08-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Just a few of the pretties blooming in my currently hot, dry yard, and the pond. This is the first bloom for the white water lilly-one of two, along with the pink one that recently bloomed, that Katie gave me for Mother's Day. The fairie fountain, sitting with her back to the blooming monkey grass (aka 'Lilly Turf', or liriope) sites near the crepe myrtal, at the edge of the upper pond.

2007-07-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Heyyyy, Ali...

Stopped by Terry's on my way back from WallyWorld, and got a couple of pics of his baby critters. The other little kitten-"Lady Grey", hid out, but I caught "Yellow Baby" being cute, and Trixie in the process of feeding her brood.

Uhmmmmm....wonder if Randy will be surprised when I bring the pretty yellow-lab-lookalike girl home with me??

First Lilly Bloom!

2007-07-24T08:25:00.001-07:00

Still half asleep, I looked out at the pond a few mornings ago..."hmmm, I thought I'd dumped those plastic lillies from last year...I DID!!"

Stumbled down the deck steps, checked it out-a REAL lilly bloom! WOW-I'd given up on seeing any of these, figuring the ponds didn't get enough direct sun. Yea, PLENTY of sun for the algae to flourish...but the lillies? Only the pretty little yellow "cowlillies" given to me by Ginny last year had been blooming. Very nice, but I'm delighted to see this pink beauty, a Mother's Day gift from Katie this year. Here's hoping for the other one she gave me to bloom-I think it was yellow, maybe we'll find out.

BTW, I finally got around to ordering a UV light clarifier yesterday. Can't wait for UPS to deliver, and to get rid of some of the pea-soup that keeps me from seeing my pretty fishies unless they're surfacing for food.

2007-07-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Planted these four-o'clocks the morning I left for Paducah. I'm tickled with the way they've grown and bloom, but there seems to be a fungus, or some such, attacking the butterfly bushes and roses. Anyone know what's going on with this? The leaves turn kind of "rusty", then fall off. Guess bad as I hate to, I'm gonna have to spray something on them. Hate using chemicals!

Oh, and sorry about the weeds in the drive-I spent hours and hours the other day digging all the grass out of the corner between the deck steps and this border garden, then stretching out landscape fabric, and planting two groundcover roses. Next comes a mulch of river stonealong with more stepping stones leading to the stone "stairway" between the basement wing wall and pond. Still gotta rake up the clumps of grass and weeds that I carelessly threw into the drive!

2007-07-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

I did the research, and I was right-sunflowers WERE a New World flower. I'd seriously considered turning these into hollyhocks, to go better with the castle, but decided not to. I'd put too much work into them, and I LIKE them! Soooo, maybe my Scottish castle laird had a seafaring son who brought back seeds from his long journey?

2007-07-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

Know how cats are so often fascinated by water-even though they HATE being wet? Seems Max (full name "Maxwell Not-So-Smart") LOVES the kitchen faucet when it drips. Noooo, it doesn't really drip this much-but, Max was thrilled that I let it!

2007-07-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd post a photo of some of my "Glory of the Gardens".

Did you know that there's a bacteria in soil that stimulates the release of serotonin in humans? And all this time I thought it was the sunshine, hard work, and beauty of my gardens that cheers me when I work in them!

Good thing the pharmaceutical companies can't patent this stuff...I can see the ads now-"Gardening, the Natural Antidepressant. Ask for it at a drugstore near you!"

Prozac-$10, with a good insurance copay. The natural high induced by gardening-priceless.

2007-07-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hi, Bunny!

On hearing the Little Singer cranking up today, I tracked him down hiding out behind a rock. Like I said, he's no Trace Adkins.....

2007-07-09T17:41:00.002-07:00

Yea, I know the front sunflower stem looks a little skimpy, but it's awaiting my next day off, when I plan to entwine it with some morning glory. Really, that's the reason I decided to go with sunflowers-great scaffolding for those!

Heyyy, Sherri...

Just thought I'd show you that, even though I haven't been online much lately, that doesn't mean I've been slackin'! Between yard and garden work, housecleaning, working, and fighting a nasty tummy bug, I've had a little time to work on the mural. One thing....isn't sunflower a New World plant? Oh, well...it's my fantasy landscape-if I want a Scottish castle, and American sunflowers, that's what I'm gonna paint!

Any tips or hints, Oh Wise Art Mentor Master?...

2007-07-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

Pretty, isn't it? Yes, I know that Stargazer lillies are terribly toxic to animals, and I assume, to children, but none of my critters have shown any interest in messing with it, and thre are (sadly!) no grandkids around. Anyway, I thought I'd get a photo while the blooms last.

2007-07-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

Now, if I could only get the green out....hope to pick up a gift UV light tomorrow at work, Jeannie's hubby decided that, since he reneged and decided NOT to sell me their bio filter, large UV light, and bridge, he'd give me their smaller light. Hope it helps!